Ian Gammie
A man had a face and opposable thumbs and ears and everything you could ever want and cigarettes and sunglasses and thrice distilled whiskey. He had a gag reflex and a bus pass and a garbage disposal and he could play the guitar, but he couldn’t play it well. And he had a windbreaker and a cell phone and a chin. He met a woman, she had a toaster and breasts and teeth, but she didn’t get them in that order. And she had feet and a laptop and a wristwatch and a good idea of where magnetic north was most of the time and green eyes. She had a beaded necklace and ovaries and a jean jacket and a parking ticket on her record.
He said I do and she said I do and they did. And the priest thought it was dandy and told them to kiss. They didn’t use tongue because their god was a vengeful god. A limousine took them away and they got a clock-radio and a candle and a few crushed leaves in a jar.
The man with the face and the woman with the feet had a baby with a pink blanket. She had his chin and her green eyes and a gag reflex and a beaded necklace. And she had tear ducts like the man with the opposable thumbs who smoked the cigarettes and who couldn’t play the guitar well and neither of them knew who to call when the woman dropped the toaster in the tub and she didn’t pay her parking ticket. And the man had thrice distilled whiskey and a bus pass and everything you could ever want, but he didn’t get them in that order.
The situation was complicated. That was the first problem, because the situation would have been simpler had it been less complicated. The man with the garbage disposal decided on a name, so everyone called the baby Gen and if everyone calls you Gen, then you’re destined to be a Gen. And the man with the sunglasses always said things about destiny, funny things like ‘it exists’ and he wouldn’t eat toast.
The baby grew and the man shrunk because that’s what babies do and that’s what men do and it was simple, which was fine because most things aren’t as complicated as toasters. The baby got shoes and dresses and an education and began to look like the woman with the breasts and the teeth. And she got laid on a mountaintop, which wasn’t fate and it wasn’t complicated because the boy had a ceiling fan and a bathrobe and everything you could ever want and he had his own apartment complete with unopened boxes and mounds of dirty clothes. And the man thought it was wrong because he believed in fate and his god was a vengeful god, but Gen said that it was alright and that complicated things. And she had green eyes and a beaded necklace and it was a simple procedure and the man had thrice distilled whiskey.
